Posted by: Amiga | March 24, 2008

99 Bottles of beer in your Gut


12.6 Gallons of Beer is the average in one persons gut, in Brazil. Let me spew a few words of sober wisdom here. Skol beer is one of the top favorite beers in Brazil. If you have been there already you know. Brazilians DRINK BEER. It’s cheap, it’s refreshing for about 1,50 reais (average of 1.10cents) you got yourself a tall can of Pilsner to walk around freely with anywhere in Brazil.

Bright yellow or red plastic chairs brandish a sponsoring beer just about anywhere you go. Sit down and drink yourself silly, But don’t do anything silly. That will just ruin it for everyone. And you don’t want to piss off the police in Brazil. Or anywhere for that matter. Beer, Beer, Beer. I sat in the back of taxi freaking the heck out when a driver whipped out a can he had in the front and kindly asked me to hold it for him so he could place both hands on the wheels to make a turn. Ah!!! I once sat below a burning building unknowingly for like 15 mins… It was at a open storefront hang-out spot in Comercio, “Cidade Baixa“/ Lower City in Bahia with a friend. We were sharing a Skol and neither, him, the bar owners, nor other customers had any idea. We found out because the firemen that had walked in and shot back a tall one within those 15 mins then declared we needed to grab our beers and evacuate they needed to turn out the fire, “Que fogo /What fire?” we asked. “Oh yes everyone this building is on fire, take your beers and step out”. Ah!!! There’s time for a beer before addressing a fire? I’m sure not all of them work this way guys… for the love of beer.

I once resided in a building above a brothel, a 13 year old downstairs neighbor I spotted dragging a massive crate, larger than his thin little body altogether filled with 12 empty bottles of 40oz beers. The usual greeting took place as I eyed him wondering how on earth he planned on carrying that alone four flights of stairs. In a dark stairwell with no electricity… by himself. And since it was just his mother and a bunch of other ladies…(hmmm?) that lived in the apartment. Who the heck is drinking all of those beers and why is the child doing the labor … not them. (No I wasn’t holding up the boy with my deep thoughts, but he did stand there looking at me with a blank face, lol) .

He breaks our silence and says that his mother has drunk them all and is too full to throw them out..OK. Got it . Brazilians love their beer. that same night after helping him carry the load down in the dark nearly falling on him and the bottles, I received a knock on my heavily guarded door. Its was the little boy whom declared I was now his girlfriend and I should be ready to join him at the beach the next day with his drunk mother. OK, brazilian men start courting at an early age. Got it.

And according to “Vital Statistics” by Paul Grobman “The percentage by which others increase in attractiveness after several bottles of beer is…25%.”

…So….uhmmm, quick, how do I look? How many fingers do you see? Stand on one foot. wha? blurry? …U drunk???

Check out their site when you can, and the beer, it’s made in Africa. And distributed worldwide. I admit I do enjoy beer as well. But I don’t plan on competing by chugging down 47.6 liters. If you check out the site while at work make sure the volume is down. This Skol Beer Buff dude is like having a party on the site. I’ll follow-up with some more beer chat,

( burp)… saudes/Cheers

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